hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just invented taco cereal.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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