Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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