You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
