God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
