Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
