I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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