Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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