oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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