We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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