Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
