you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
