The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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