Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
