U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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