someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
