Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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