She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
