I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
