I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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