3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
they need to just BURY HIM!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
