she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The feeling are messing with the penis
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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