38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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