I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
