Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
