I'm going to jail i love you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
