Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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