if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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