You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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