I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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