A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
