Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
