Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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