Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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