Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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