i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
