this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
