You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
