4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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