why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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