So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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