you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
