her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
