3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
