you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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