I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
