Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
