i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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