The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
