3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
