1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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