I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
