it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
