you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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