I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
